In catching up with a close friend recently, I was asked a familiar question: "did you ever do that?" He was talking about porn after I made a joke about something and referenced 70s porn movies.
Having been retired from the stripper world for over a decade, it's been a while since I was asked about those indelible x-rated lines and if I ever crossed them. My initial reaction was shock that he'd even ask me.
"What? Are you kidding, NO!!"
"It's a fair question..."
He was right.
Grouping together all types of sex work is a natural thought. Although I never had sex as part of my stripping career, people assume because you sell it, even as a visual fantasy, you are doing it.
Stripping is sex work. It's a living, breathing Playboy Magazine, and I see nothing wrong with men who
appreciate a beautiful woman going in to a strip bar. I don't even see anything wrong with prostitution or adult films - if all parties are adults and happy to do it.
Did I know fellow strippers who crossed over to the prostitution world from stripping? Sure. I've even met a few gals who tried their hand at X-Rated movies. But that was their business and I didn't think any less of them. It just wasn't for me.
In the nude clubs where I worked in Hawaii, there was no table dancing allowed. I didn't have to touch anyone, let alone feel their Mr. Happy during a lap dance. There were no lap dances, no VIP rooms. All our money was made on stage in tips, and if we had a customer who wanted to buy us champagne or a cocktail, we'd sit and talk with them. Most of my big ticket nights were due to my ability to ham it up with customers, drinking champagne and making them laugh. In a sea of beautiful nude women, personality really did go a long way.
In talking more with my friend, I had a thought: people assume things based on a person's experiences all the time - and not just in the stripping world.
How many of us have seen a heavily tattooed person and instantly made a judgment? There are a million scenarios where we may assume things based on what we experience that may or may not be true. This is why it's so important to have an open mind and be aware of judgment.
I'm happy my friend felt comfortable enough to ask me if I ever did porn. It shows his level of trust and respect for me, and after I checked my judgment at the door with my knee-jerk "heavens NO!" reaction, we enjoyed a good laugh at my hypocrisy of my judgment of porn actors.
Everyone has a story - it's the people who ask about them without judgment that open up an honest dialogue to help make the world a much more interesting and authentic place.
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| Heather Graham as Adult Film Star Rollergirl in Boogie Nights |
Having been retired from the stripper world for over a decade, it's been a while since I was asked about those indelible x-rated lines and if I ever crossed them. My initial reaction was shock that he'd even ask me.
"What? Are you kidding, NO!!"
"It's a fair question..."
He was right.
Grouping together all types of sex work is a natural thought. Although I never had sex as part of my stripping career, people assume because you sell it, even as a visual fantasy, you are doing it.
Stripping is sex work. It's a living, breathing Playboy Magazine, and I see nothing wrong with men who
appreciate a beautiful woman going in to a strip bar. I don't even see anything wrong with prostitution or adult films - if all parties are adults and happy to do it.
Did I know fellow strippers who crossed over to the prostitution world from stripping? Sure. I've even met a few gals who tried their hand at X-Rated movies. But that was their business and I didn't think any less of them. It just wasn't for me.
In the nude clubs where I worked in Hawaii, there was no table dancing allowed. I didn't have to touch anyone, let alone feel their Mr. Happy during a lap dance. There were no lap dances, no VIP rooms. All our money was made on stage in tips, and if we had a customer who wanted to buy us champagne or a cocktail, we'd sit and talk with them. Most of my big ticket nights were due to my ability to ham it up with customers, drinking champagne and making them laugh. In a sea of beautiful nude women, personality really did go a long way.
In talking more with my friend, I had a thought: people assume things based on a person's experiences all the time - and not just in the stripping world.
How many of us have seen a heavily tattooed person and instantly made a judgment? There are a million scenarios where we may assume things based on what we experience that may or may not be true. This is why it's so important to have an open mind and be aware of judgment.
I'm happy my friend felt comfortable enough to ask me if I ever did porn. It shows his level of trust and respect for me, and after I checked my judgment at the door with my knee-jerk "heavens NO!" reaction, we enjoyed a good laugh at my hypocrisy of my judgment of porn actors.
Everyone has a story - it's the people who ask about them without judgment that open up an honest dialogue to help make the world a much more interesting and authentic place.
Here's the part where you tell me: have you ever naturally assumed something about anyone only to learn you were off?