I found myself in the throws of should this weekend. This was a doozy, as it was related to communicating with my [biological] father.
Ever since I posted about forgiveness, I've been thinking about my dad. I never speak of him, because the long and short of it is, he left when I was two.
There were the occasional weekend visits when he still lived on the island, but after a while, he just faded out, like the ending of a movie that leaves you wondering "what just happened?"
The things I remember about dad are the very things I've inherited. Irony is nothing, if not entertaining. Our humor is dry, and can be somewhat corny. We both live and breathe
music, and to this day, when I hear a Simon and Garfunkel song (especially, "At the Zoo"), I think of dad. When speaking of my skin disorder, I've often said "I have my best feature (my eyes) surrounded by my worst (my skin)" - both traits are from him.
It's been 25 years since I've seen him, and although I live quite publicly, I'm certain dad wasn't privy to my story. When mom emailed this weekend letting my sister and I know he wanted to reconnect, I was overcome with a desire to cleanse my spirit of the dark secrets I've kept hidden from him for so long.
|The only photo I have with my dad|
In owning my truth, I realized - I didn't need his validation - I just wanted to be heard.