Most of us have been there. We meet the perfect person who we feel completes us. We like the same movies, laugh at the same jokes. We find ourselves saying things like "you totally get me", "where have you been my whole life?" and "we are soul mates!”
Fast forward a few months (or years) later and the glitter is washed away with the reality of life. And after wiping our tears, we come to the realization our perfect partner was anything but.
After dusting off my heart from yet another failed relationship, I am left to wonder: is there such a thing as soul mates?
It's been said that there are many love life expectations and myths that repeatedly trip up even the most intelligent and otherwise successful people. That the "Love of my life" feeling can get us in to trouble. The quote "you don’t know who the love of your life is until the last day of your life" gives us pause to reflect on the many people who've come in and out of our lives after thinking they fit the bill.
I remember Charlotte from Sex and the City sharing her views on the subject. "Everyone knows you only get two great loves in your life". A statement she revised from her previous thought of only having one, but since her divorce, she upped the number. So which is it, I wondered. If anyone knew about soul mates, clearly it'd be Charlotte.
Then I came back to reality. Not a place I'm used to living, when it comes to matters of the heart. I much prefer flying on the heels of denial and illusion - relying on the bells and whistles of romance to carry me through. But even bells and whistles need maintenance.
Love takes work. It's not glamorous, but it's real.
So when do you throw in the towel? When do you realize it's time to make a change, making yourself available for your real soul mate? Or.. .was your ex your soul mate at the time? Is there even such a thing?
At (gasp) 43, I find myself starting over, but I am in a good place. I'm taking the lessons learned in my past and building a foundation for myself - and the next man in my life. He may not know me yet, but I know what he's getting in to, and that is something worth believing in.
So tell me: do you believe in soul mates? Are you with yours - or have you had more than one? I would love to hear your story.
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4 comments:
Good question about Soul Mates.
My opinion about this has most certainly changed from the optimism of youth to the dark cynicism that came with painful, failed relationships. And now at age 49, after a 15 yr marriage and a divorce from someone I most certainly considered my soul mate at one time that I am starting to turn back to a more positive yet realistic vision of relationships.
I would have to say that I don't believe in soul mates any more but I believe with love, openness, honesty and yea..hard work there is most definitely MAGIC to be found. I mean REAL, Tangible HONEST SPARKS!
But today I believe it is less up to chance and more up to effort. And it ALWAYS starts with me being honest...
I am in probably the healthiest and happiest relationship of my entire life right now...it at times has also been the most painful and difficult because we have endured some very difficult times and circumstances. It is a cliche but those tough times have brought us closer together and I in turn TRUST her more then I ever have trustyed someone before in any relationship. And yes...I brought some very serious TRUST issues to the table.
So...That's my take...
Love your answers. I'm happy you are in a good place. xxoo
At 26, I believe in soul mates. My husband, who has been my best friend for nearly 12 years, would take that role for me. He is the only person that I can truly show all my insecurities to, behave irrationally with and know that he is not going to leave or break me down for it. As a woman, I think at times, we can be unstable and hoping to find "The One" is very big in our list of priorities. I just happened to find my one at age 14. Will he always be my soul mate? Maybe not, but we both agree that if we find ourselves growing apart, that we will not hold each other back because life is very long and who is to say our minds and feelings will not grow and develop in different ways during the journey. With this being said, I don't believe in one soul mate for life, but rather your life will make the decision of how many soul mates that you have along the way.
Wow Blue! I envy your maturity at such a young age. Thank you for he comment and sharing your story. It sounds like you have a real keeper, as he does!
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